but you bring me down constantly.

i was trying so fucking hard not to cry on the way home. i'm really really tired. come on. face the facts. this friendship is getting from bad to worse. when is the last time i talked to you on the phone exactly? saturday? but you were busy cycling. fine. but when i needed you i can't seem to apporach you. i can't seem to find a reason to talk to you now. i mean. sure. i see you. and talk to you about nonsense when i see you. but its different. i can't talk to you like i do on the phone when i see you. cause its difficult. cause when i see you. there is so much that is going through my mind. and i'm really trying not to depend on you. i really am. but tis not working. because if anything crops up. you're the first person i think of calling. you'd be the first person i run to if anything should happen. cause you know how to handle me. because you know me that well. but now. it seems that i don't know you anymore.
or rather. you don't really know who you are. you're so confused with your thoughts. with everything that has been happening.

i'll just pretend that i never heard what you said.
you're not the only one who is good at acting.
i can too.
so i'll keep on walking down this really dark lane.
all by myself.
until you decide to gove me a little company and shed a little light.
i'll show you the real me soon.
i've been silent about this for far too long.
i'll tell you exactly how i feel.
no.
you'll read about how i feel.


i still love you precious.